What Serves As Vanguard

No, intro, folks, I’m rippin’ in
Opening my Notes app like a vat of acid;
Let’s begin
Point me to the journalists I’m dipping in-
Wait a minute,
Holy shit,
Something must be wrong,
it’s just a couple kids

Not a single wrinkle on their privileged skin

Couple whiskers you can JUST make out
through all the clout
that’s dribbling off their little chins

The Vanguard charge
of a Red Rose Strike Force,
Mouths wide open
as they charge into the Hype Wars

Now, usually I’d be obliged to take my time
And savor every moment
of the movie of me stretching out this 2-piece
Til I eat it like a 5-course

Usually, I’d lift them up
then drop them twenty-five floors

Strip their image back,
expose the eyesore

But its Sad to see the DSA
make cattle of the pre-pubescent

Sad to witness
Jimmy-Dore-Derangement-Syndrome-addled brains of adolescents

So Maybe I should cut some slack,
and throw them back
Like, once they’re done maturing,
they might get the message

Maybe once they’re All Growed Up,
they’ll learn their lesson

Maybe they’ll look back
a couple years from now and cringe
Just like I did
the day I found those old Obama pins
behind my dresser

Your Vanguard’s just a couple drips,
No ripples to be made
I guess if you carry water,
You’re an honorary blue-wave

Defending our Democracy,
like anything survived for you to save

So, Arbiters of good intentions
Tell us who is TRULY leftist
Let them wield identity like such a holy weapon
And let no one through the gate
Who’s unordained

While you’re both Streaming live
with boot-receptacles agape
A couple overzealous Paladins,
Decrying ‘Bad Faith’

Here to show Kulinski
you can fit your whole fist
So his size 8 shoes aint shit


If that’s what serves as Vanguard,
then your army’s got a lot to lose
Except for the respect of those
Who’d jump at shining Schumer’s shoes,
Those who treat the issues
like a pleasant conversation
that they’re having on a dinner cruise

But never once, in my whole life
Has punching up
Felt so much like it’s child abuse


Like maybe I should save my scorn
For those whose lobes are fully-formed
Who aren’t just human moths
that swarm the brightest clout,
to keep them warm

Maybe it’s not worth the mess
Of moppin guppies off the floor
Strike a nerve, then CPS
comes knocking at my chamber door

Cut em loose,
wait it out an album cycle, maybe four
If they didn’t learn by then,
I’ll proceed with no remorse
Once they’re just your average centrists
Drumming up support for wars
Ask you for receipts
As they both cite a state department source

The pipeline’s pretty short
from Clueless Faux-Progressive Larva,
to the fragile Centrist Chrysalis
where criticism’s trauma,
To spreading wide your liberal wings,
To shit on all the fauna,
as you host your weekly brunch
& Sit-down chitchat With Ro Khanna

You’d both do well to listen close,
and look me in the eyes:
My words will spare you only once:
I don’t show mercy twice.
My lyrics aren’t the kind of place
where people leave alive,
But I don’t eat low-hanging fruit,
I leave it for the flies.